


Losing The Light

by TristanIsGay



Series: S.E.I.J [11]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 13:23:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11208936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TristanIsGay/pseuds/TristanIsGay
Summary: Yuri finds himself slipping into a depression.





	Losing The Light

**Author's Note:**

> I've felt super down lately. Writing is how I escape. So I put how I feel into Yuri.  
> Also, Yuuri, Otabek, and Victor all go to visit him.

Yuri felt a heaviness in his chest as he lied in bed. It was pitch black and there was no noise. That was how Yuri usually liked it but tonight it made him feel... lonely. He wasn't sure if that was the right word but he felt very empty. Something he hadn't really felt before. He took a deep breath and shifted a few times, seemingly not able to get comfortable. His mind seemed to rush with thoughts he couldn't understand. They were almost incoherent but they kept him up. He sighed and sat up.  

"Why can't my brain just shut up." He mumbled to himself. He sighed and ran his hand's through his hair. He had practice tomorrow and a sleepless night wasn't something he could afford. 

He lied back down and closed his eyes, attempting to fall asleep. 

\---

The practice wasn't the best. He got a lot of lectures on posture and energy but the sleepless night he had before made many things harder. His whole body ached as he wore his tired body to its limit. Practice seemed far more dreadful than usual. Thinking back on it, he felt kind of fuzzy during practice. It was like he wasn't mentally there. He shrugged it off, assuming it was just from being tired. 

Once practice was finally over he threw himself onto a seat and let out a big sigh. He removed his skates and sat there for a moment. His mind seemed to go blank for a moment and he zoned out of reality. 

"Yuuri, are you alright?" A female voice asked, pulling Yuri back into reality. Yuuri looked up and saw Mila. 

"I'm fine." He said with an eye roll.

"You seemed off in practice, and you've been staring at the ground for-"

"I'm fine!" He snapped and got up. He quickly walked out, his feet and legs aching. He sighed as he stepped out of the rink. 

\---

 

"What the fuck." Yuri groaned and sat up in his bed. "Why can't I sleep." He put his face in his hands. He'd had too many nights like this. His chest felt heavy and tight. His thoughts that were once incoherent became more clear. They tortured his head. They told him he wasn't good at what he did and everyone would be better off if he just wasn't there. 

He lied back down and closed his eyes. He let the tears that were lingering surface. He let it go. He felt like screaming but he just let the tears stream down his face and he cried himself to sleep.

From then on it got worse. He felt like he was losing who he was. He started thinking maybe that was a good thing. The people around him questioned him but he always said he was fine. He didn't understand what was going on, so how could others?

\---

One day Yuuri was at the rink. It wasn't a scheduled practice but skating got his mind off of everything. His feet and legs ached as he pushed through but he ignored it. He pushed through. His mind finally shuts up and he could just focus on skating. He could finally forget.

"Yuri!" He heard from the other side of the rink. He stopped and thought for a moment. Who could that be? He turned and his eyes widened when he saw three people standing there. Victor and Yuuri stood behind Otabek who was calling out for him. Yuuri felt a rush of happy run through him. It was so nice. Something he hadn't felt in awhile. He rushed to meet Otabek in an embrace. Yuri smiled as he rested his head on Otabek's shoulder. He stayed there for a moment. He suddenly felt a rush of pain run through his legs. They ached like no tomorrow. He felt his legs give out a bit. Otabek tightened his hold when he felt Yuri give out. 

"Yuri, Are you alright?" He asked and pulled away a bit just to look at his face. 

"Yeah, just sore." He smiled. 

"Well, let's get you out of those skates," Otabek said and dragged him out of the rink. Otabek was really protective over him. It made Yuuri feel better. 

\---

It was nice having Otabek there to lay with him as the two went to bed. For the first few nights, it helped but after a bit, he was back to a rushing mind and a heavy heart. It drove him insane. His mind convinced him that he was still alone in his own head. It made him clench to Otabek a bit tighter, forcing himself to stay in control of himself.

It wasn't long till the three noticed how different Yuri was. His personality was so dull. He was so quiet and seemed lost in his head most of the time. He was pretty unresponsive. To everything. They worried but had no idea how to help if Yuri wouldn't open up. He wasn't opening up at all to any of them. 

Soon Yuri will but he won't be able to control it.

\---

One night Otabek woke up and Yuri wasn't with him. He quickly got out of bed and went out to find him. but he was nowhere to be found. Otabek rushed to Victor and Yuuri. He shook them and tried to get them up. 

"I can't find Yuri. There's no note or anything. I don't know where he went." Otabek said in a worried tone. It wasn't long till the two were up. They rushed to the rink, hoping they'd find him there. 

He was there. He was skating. But he was crying as he forced his legs to move and his feet to hold him up. He knew his feet must have been bleeding inside his skates by how bad they were hurting. He just needed something to make the thoughts go away. He was crying out as he skated. Both in mental and physical pain. 

"Yuri!" The three yelled out. Yuri turned around and saw the three running. He paused for a moment before his legs finally gave out. He collapsed onto the floor and started crying, no, bawling. 

Otabek quickly ran out onto the ice and ran to Yuri. He picked him up and carried him off the ice. 

Yuri felt lifeless as he cried out. His legs were burning and his feet felt like pins were stabbing them. Every tortuous thought poured from him as he let his tears and sobs echo. His chest held heavy and his breath ran quickly.  

Otabek held him close as Yuuri and Victor removed his skates. Yuri winced as his feet became exposed. Blood stained his socks and his feet were covered his scars and bleeding cuts. Otabek bit his lip as he pulled Yuri to his chest.

"You're okay. You're okay. I'm here." He said his voice breaking as his love cried into his chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, it's short but this is just be putting how I feel into Yuri the best I can.


End file.
